Goodbye Pamie. Rest in Peace dear friend.

"She loved life, and loved hard.
She left us too soon."

Pamie was a dear friend of mine from the Internet. We unfortunately never got a chance to speak on the phone (she was hearing impaired) or meet. I consider that a great loss, but not greater than losing a dear friend. We met in a Yahoo group called People With Disabilities, but we always called it PWD. We just took to each other real quick. It turns out, except for our religious belief systems, we were smypatico in pretty much everything. Politics, how we feel the disabled are treated in this country, etc. In regards to our religious difference, we agreed to disagree, which is the best way for 2 good friends to be. We were each other's sounding board, which is another sign of a good friendship. When the time came where the status of PWD was in doubt, and circumstances made me create my own Yahoo group, there was no question in my mind who to choose as my moderator. Due to problems with how other groups were run, it was decided that my moderator would have the right to approve messages and members, in the event of my incapacitation or worse.

Pam was born, raised and lived in a small town in rural Minnesota. She was the first born and the only child who was disabled. She was born with Turner's Syndrome, a disease that causes, among other things, low height, hearing impairment, heart problems, and infertility. Despite these disabilites, she was able to work part time and live life to the fullest.

One of the things Pam and I used to talk about alot, was her getting together with her boyfriend. Up till the day she died, she never stopped talking about him, including her frustration about his slowness in making a decision about getting together. I remember always telling her to try and relax, if it was meant to be it would happen. We know now, it was not meant to be. There is a phrase, and I'm intentionally paraphrasing here that says, "A human plans and G-D laughs". One thing that always saddened me but she was ok with, was the fact that since both of them were on regular Social Security, they could not legally marry, but would have had to settle for a religious service. The reason for that is, Social Security would take one of their incomes away. Makes you wonder about the term "family values", doesn't it? She always said to me in regards to getting together with her boyfriend, G-D will give me an answer. Used to drive me nutz. I respected her religious beliefs, but my religion says G-D does not interfere with free will.

The day before she died, I had chatted with her in the morning and was used to seeing her in the afternoon. I did not see her that afternoon. I also did not see her in the evening and was a little concerned but figured, she was talking to her boyfriend and it got late and she was tired. The next day, I still had not heard from her and was getting concerned. Finally I saw her log on, and messaged her saying I had been worried. I had cause to worry. It was not her, but her sister informing me that Pam had died that morning and that they thought it was a brain aneurysm. I was in shock. The only good thing is she went quick and didn't suffer for long. I regret not going to the funeral but could not due to finances and other factors. I was told by her sister that the funeral was packed. Pam was well loved. This did not surprise me one bit. Rest in peace dear friend. Your pain is over, ours will subside as we remember you. One thing her passing taught me is, don't postpone joy.

After finding out that Pamie had passed, Vanessa had some chores to take care of as we usually do. It was raining all the way to where we were going. Then right near our destination I saw a break in the clouds and the sun was shining through. I took that as a sign from Pamie, as if to say, I made it and I'm ok.